From the age of 11 to 13 I experienced very frightening and intense paralysis. These unwanted nightly intrusions were so common that I had a name for them – The Shakes. I just thought they were demons or something like that. I don’t mean to sound flippant, but I have always been aware of entities and even though when I experienced anything paranormal it spooked me out, I was actually used to it by this age.
Each and every time I got the shakes, this is what happened.
In the evening around 7pm an eerie vibe would suddenly overcome me and the hairs on the back of my neck would stand up. I just had a knowing that I would be getting the shakes that night and there was nothing I could do about it. A normal person may have freaked out and demanded to sleep in their parent’s room with the light on or have themselves institutionalised featuring a strait jacket, never to be released - but I just took it in my stride. I pushed the thoughts away and went about my nightly activities. I would go to sleep easily only to be woken up much later when world was dark and silent. I always felt like the only living human on the planet in those moments.
The paralysis wouldn’t come straight away. I would wake up and be fully alert to everything around me. I could feel the pillow and doona against my skin and I would stretch out or roll around. My eyes would adjust to the darkness and everything in my room looked so normal that I felt almost safe. I always thought it should look like something out of a horror movie. The most tortuous aspect of the shakes was dreading what was to come. I’d fidget around nervously on my bed waiting. I felt no vibes around me or intense fear yet. The calm before the storm is how I would describe this.
Minutes would pass then suddenly I hear a noise like a footstep outside my room or a bump on the wall. I would feel an electricity enter the room, a heaviness in the air. I knew they were here and they were coming for me.
At this point raw fear would set in. I would roll onto my stomach and press my face down into my pillow, my hands clasped together under my chest. I always made sure I hid my hands under my body and I’m not sure why but I always knew to hide my hands!
I would start to get tingly sensations at the tip of my toes and it would quickly travel up my body to the tip of my head until I couldn’t move at all. I would hear a loud buzzing noise in my ears. I was utterly trapped. It felt like my whole body was shaking which I why I called these nightly visits the shakes. I don’t know if the shaking was from the incredible fear I was experiencing or if it was just all part of the paralysis rock and roll show. I was trapped in my own body. I would try to yell out for it to leave me alone but I couldn’t move my mouth. I could hear and feel desperate plea's in my throat as I would try so hard to say something, anything. I remember feeling irritated a few times at being so unkindly taken over.
I would repeat in my mind that I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, the fear was so tangible I felt like it was suffocating my soul. I sometimes wondered if I my body would ever be returned to me. I would always feel a heavy presence but I never looked around me.
Then all of a sudden the paralysis would leave my body the way it came in. Pouring down from the tip of my head to my toes. The heaviness in the room would dissipate and I was once again alert and all alone. I would feel always grateful that the whole freakish episode was over and give a big sigh.
It was easy to fall back asleep because even though only moments ago I was in fear of my soul, once it was gone I felt safe and secure. I was back in control of my environment and that was important because during the shakes I felt so powerless and helpless. It would feel like a great peace had descended upon my body and mind. So great was this feeling that the only thing I could do was fall into a deep sleep. And a deep sleep I would have. I would always wake up early in the morning bright as a button as I had the habit at this age of being unable to sleep in.
Sometimes I would tell my younger sister about it, I’d say I got the shakes last night and she understood what that meant. My Mum would tell me to shut up and not tell anyone. I asked her once if I had sleep paralysis because being the curious creature that I am, I did some research on paralysis at night and came across the term Sleep Paralysis. I read about the condition and I said to Mum that I wanted to get myself tested at the doctors. She blew up at me and said if I tell the doctors they will lock me away for life and that is all she ever had to say about it. So I let it be.
I knew in my heart that I didn’t have a medical condition. I knew that for some reason I was like an antenna attracting these ill-mannered entities. There is a part of my personality that is very logical and practical despite my experiences, I like to find answers to try and make sense of it all. The shakes would occur like this every single time. I know it happened many times but I’ve lost count just how many. I was just a normal part of my life back then.
There is one occasion that stands out and I must share it with you. When this happened I knew it was not just the usual brand of demon terrorising me but something so much more significant. It is also the last time I experienced the shakes in this way.
I was 13 years old and felt that eerie vibe early in the evening, only this time I felt annoyed. Why me? I just wanted to sleep in peace. I remember huffing and puffing around the house sick of the whole sorry situation and wanting answers.
I went to bed as per usual and woke up much later and I waited. As the atmosphere in the room changed and became heavy with that supernatural electricity, I rolled onto my stomach and tucked my hands under me. This time instead of pushing my face into the pillow, I lay my head sideways so I was looking into my room. I felt brave until I felt that first tingle in my toes, I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself for the wild ride. I began to rebuke in the name of Jesus and tried to yell out but of course my words failed me, my body failed me!
I could hear that familiar buzzing in my ears but this time I could also hear a strange language being whispered and the sound filled my room. The voices were deep, raspy and rhythmical.
I suddenly opened my eyes and I will never forget what I saw.
My room was flashing with a dull red light and three thin stick like figures was moving past my bed. Their bodies were in the running position but instead of pumping their legs and arms, they were simply still and just gliding past. Their heads were long and curved back gently at the forehead. I could make out the detail of their eyes and mouth. I could even see their nose. They looked like aliens! That was enough to make me shut my eyes again.At this point I was so frightened I thought I might pass out. It was a terrible feeling of helpless doom and it filled every paralysed cell in my body.
I then felt three hands touching my head circling around my forehead and skull. The hands kept circling and for a brief moment I got to view this from their vantage point! I saw three hands in what looked like white gloves. They were not the hands of the three beings who glided past my bed because these hands were stumpy and small. They were not attached to anything, just three hands circling. It felt soft but firm at the same time, I could feel them dragging around my head and hair. As this was happening my name was repeatedly called out from behind me. The voices were high pitched but very deep at the same time. I could feel the presence of three beings in my room behind me. Then suddenly it was over.
I was finally in possession of my body and I actually sat up to look at the time, it was 3:00am. I felt that something truly significant had just occurred. I lay in bed on my back and thought about what just happened. I was already well aware of UFOs because I’d actively star gaze looking for them. I didn’t think the shakes was anything to do with aliens until that night.. I still had no answers and made no conclusions but I now had a different angle.
During this period I felt very isolated from the people around me. When you experience this sort of thing it really sets you apart from your peers because you are aware that a very different world exists. I used to think why me? Am I a freak? I felt very disconnected from the world around me because I had no one to talk to about what I was experiencing. Although it was confusing to go through so much, I have always loved my spiritual side. It’s always been very sacred to me. I’m always be aware of two very different worlds, just like day is to night and I know that is special.
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had sought spiritual guidance about my experiences at that age. I went on the snuff out my spiritual leanings and I tried to be like everyone around me and unfortunately they all had the mentality of a rock. I went from being interested and proud of my quirky, freaky side to just totally wiping it from my mind in more ways than one. I always felt that something was missing from my life during those tumultuous years when I tried to be the average Jane.
These days love and light is revealing to me everything I need to know. While I don’t have all the specific answers and I may never fully understand these experiences, the pieces of the puzzle are slowly being put together.